I just need to rant to someone who will never judge me. Is that so difficult? I have so many things to say, and i just can't find the right words to express it all. It's so lethargic to always be faking out a fucking smile, i'm tired. I hold on to my tears each day when i make my way to school, and even when i am in school. This feeling is unbearable. I'm so confused. Sigh. I really want to tell my close friends about it, but I can foresee how their reaction would be like. So I'd rather keep it to myself. At the same time, I am really tired of bottling things up. This feeling is really miserable. Let's just put this aside. To actually be crying myself to sleep is the worst feeling ever, i just miss everything so much.
I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.
I miss that person who listened to everything i used to say, I miss that person who went out of his way to send me home and make sure that i was safe. I miss that person who makes weird faces just to make me smile at my darkest times. I miss that person who never fails to love me for who i am. I hate that he's gone and what he's left is this person I barely even know. The person who left me for dead. I wish someone would just come up to me and say "No, you're not okay, and i can see it."





When you lose, someone whom you love, words just can't express your thoughts.
When they break your heart, it's the hardest thing that you could ever go through. Too, no matter how much time has passed, it never really goes away. You may think that you're getting better, but then each time when you get a flashback, or hear a song that reminds you of that particular person, it hits you all over again; All at once, like a stab straight into your chest. You'll just fall apart, not knowing what to do next. You feel like crawling into your blanket, and never come out of it. You love this person wholeheartedly, even though you know you shouldn't. They hurt you worse than anything else in the world. They stole your happiness. Yet, you still want that person and nobody else, just him. Other people come along, and give you a chance to move on, but you know deep inside your heart that you're unwilling to. It upsets you that you might moving on, because you promised you never would. Even if they broke all of their promises, you want to keep yours. On top of that, you're terrified. Terrified of getting hurt again. It's not like it matters anymore. At the end of the day, you're still thinking of the same exact person who left you hanging with your heart completely broken. You don't want to miss nor love them anymore, but you know you can't do it and you know you always will.