Posted Oct 22, 2011 // 0 comments (+)Someone had once told me, 'Never let the fear of striking out keeps you from playing the game.' It's true. I'd fought so hard to get what I have and what I am today. But it's not worthed it at all. I'd gotten all of the materialistic stuffs that I'd always been wanting for, so? This is not what I want, no. All I want is tranquility, happiness and a simple life.
I don't understand why are people made this way that they backstab, 'steals friends' and all other sinful sorts. You, as my reader, may feel that 'Oh, Yock Yen is a really immature girl.' I beg to differ. Whatever treatments that I'd underwent was fucking disastrous. Can you ever imagine the impact caused from backstabbing and all sorts of nonsenses for 3 years straight for an average 15 years old girl will be like? No, you certainly don't. Just forget about this part, I don't want to continue any further.
And second thing, to another you. If you had ever wondered the reason why am I keeping things from you, that's great. Because I'm gonna announce to you the damn reason right now - It's mainly because I don't want to hurt you. You get hurt easily, I know that. I'm really starting to think if I'd failed to be your friend. I'd never once failed to be there for you, provide you with essential advices and a listening ear. What about you? It's so annoying to not see you reciprocating. In fact, I'm disappointed. I really hate myself for expecting some positive outcomes, but I'm wrong. Why are you always putting me second when I never fail to put you first? In fact, I'm always the one who gets all affected whenever it comes to such scenario. Call me paranoid or whatever, but I reluctant to lose a friend like you at such a crucial point in life. What have I done wrong to receive such craps?! Really, I'm tired. Also, how can I be feeling secured when you're befriending my nemesis, someone who had utterly ruined my life back then? This is bullshit.
I'd tried putting myself in your shoes, that's part of the reason why I don't want to tell you regarding this. Just put yourself in my shoes too, will you?
Lastly, it's not a choice for me to pretend that I'm happy. It's a must. I can't be worrying anyone, otherwise I'll feel horrible. I'm sorry if I were to ever just leave you, that's the day when I can take it no more.